Martin Luther, Mental Health, and Defeating My Demons (Short Read)

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Content note. This is a personal reflection on living with depression and anxiety, and it includes a description of the thoughts that come with that — including feeling that others would be better off without me. It also refers to the Columbine school shooting. If now isn’t the right time to read this, that’s completely okay. Support details are at the end.

Martin Luther gives us a surprising insight into our mental health, and we work towards defeating my (and yours) demons. There are times when life is just a bit too hard. Those are the times when we need to rely on Christ’s love for us.

Martin Luther’s Demons

For me, it is during my periods of depression and anxiety that everyday life becomes a struggle. It unleashes self-destructive impulses and desires that usually lie dormant.

My self-esteem plummets, my hope for a positive future takes a holiday, and everything is blown entirely out of proportion. During these times, I remind myself of a story about one of my, admittedly quite complicated, heroes – Martin Luther.

During his great work of translating the Bible into everyday German, Martin Luther had to deal with his own demons.

Martin Luther Confronts The Dark

Picture the scene.

On a dark night, in a gothic-spiked tower high above a castle of dark stone, a little light burns in a small room. The storm outside crashes and hammers against the stones until it seems like the castle itself is shaking. The forests stretch to the horizon, dark with shadows and danger. They conceal who knows how many spies and hunters waiting to find the man sitting hunched over the desk. Everyone wants to take him south for execution as a heretic.

In that small room with the little light sits a man. Once, he was thin and ascetic, but now he is growing fat. He is hunched over a desk covered in stacks of ordered parchment, pots of ink, and broken quills. The candlelight flickers over his features, the hair that is already starting to grow back and hide the tonsure he once wore. He is muttering to himself in a mixture of German, Latin, and Greek.

Shadows on the wall, Shadows in the mind

A shadow moves on the wall. A cold wind blows through the little room. The man looks up. He wonders if it’s the Emperor’s soldiers who have finally come to get him. Or maybe it’s an assassin. Or an inquisitor from the Pope. The shadow moves in the candlelight. It flickers across the wall, moving closer to him.

Across the castle, people stop and flinch at the sound of shouted, angry German and the smashing of an ink pot against a stone wall.

“F**K Off Satan! I am baptised!” (Martin Luther became a horrible person in his later years but I really love younger Martin Luther).

Martin Luther wrote of his experiences when translating the Bible into German, Satan would come to him to try and scare him and tempt him away from his mission. Luther would shout and swear at what he saw as Satan, and boldly declare to him that he was baptised, that he belonged to God, and that Satan and his minions had no power over Luther.

Knowing Who I Belong To Even When I Don’t Like Myself

Whatever we may think about demons and Satan, there are absolutely powerful things in our lives that oppress us, that tempt us, that seek to destroy us and bring us down.

Whether it is poor mental or physical health, problems with family or work, times of loss or the breakdown in relationships, addictions and unhealthy habits, there are things which tell us we are not worthy, that we are less than we are, which tempt us to do things which are ultimately destructive.

Martin Luther’s Mental Health – Shadows of Depression and Anxiety

For me, when I am in the middle of a period of depression or when my anxiety is particularly bad, I end up thinking that everything is going to fail. That I am worthless and pointless. That who I am will never be good enough, never do enough, ever achieve enough. That I am not worthy of love or attention, that God would never make use of someone like me, and that everyone would just be better off if I were not around.

While I am able to utilise the available support and services to help keep me safe and healthy during those times, I have also learned from Martin Luther to remember who I belong to.

When I am going through an experience that makes me doubt everything about me, which leaves me feeling wretched and miserable and just not worth anything at all, I need to remember who I belong to, and how my worth is measured.

F**k Off! I Belong To Jesus!

Sometimes, to paraphrase Luther, I just need to shout into the darkness, “F**K Off Depression! I belong to Jesus.”

It doesn’t stop me from being depressed. The chemicals in my brain still don’t work properly. But it helps me give context to what I am feeling. It helps remind me that who I am is not determined by what I think about myself, but what Jesus says to me when he calls me his own. To say that I belong to Jesus is the answer to the questions that I demand of myself, and it is the final word over my fears and failings. The promises that God makes to me are more powerful and more enduring than my mistakes.

You might have noticed I shifted Luther’s words. He shouted “I am baptised!” I shout “I belong to Jesus!” That shift matters for us as Salvationists. We don’t practise water baptism, so it would be easy to assume this kind of assurance is closed to us. It isn’t. Luther’s defiance was never really about the water. It was about the promise the water pointed to: that he belonged to God, and nothing could undo it. We receive that same promise directly, through the Spirit who bears witness that we are God’s children (Romans 8:16, NRSV). The assurance is not in a font. It is in the God who claims us. So shout it anyway.

The Columbine Shooting And The Promise of Baptism

A much more profound example of this comes in the aftermath of the Columbine school shooting.

Following the shooting, the Lutheran minister Reverend Don Marxhausen had to leave his church and take up a new parish. Part of the reason for his leaving was because of how his congregation reacted to his supporting the families of the shooters during their loss and officiating at the funeral of the shooter, Dylan Klebold.

God’s Promises are more Powerful than our Sin

He was convinced the promises made during Dylan’s baptism were stronger and longer-lasting than the worst things that Dylan could do, and that God’s mercy and love were far more abundant than any sin which could be done by mortal hands. Because of that commitment, Rev. Don had to leave his parish.

You can read more of Marxhausen’s story in Newsweek’s retrospective, “Two Pastors Haunted by Columbine” (2009).

When confronted with the problems of life and the dark realities of personal suffering, it is important to cling to the promises that God has made to us. To remind ourselves that even when we don’t feel like it – especially when we don’t feel like it – we belong to Jesus, who tells us who we are… a child of God!

So like Martin Luther, and like me, when you are faced with something that is making you question your worthiness and making you despair, remember to tell it to “F**K Off! I Belong to Jesus!” We can learn from Martin Luther for the benefit of our mental health when we remember not to give in to the demons in our brains.

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